Friday 24 August 2012

[www.keralites.net] How to Build Trust to empower relations

 

During my recent training on Management, the course of discussion slightly moved to the subject of Building Trust. Our trainer (my mentor as well) draw our attention to some important aspects of building trust. Since the idea of writing this article was originated during the training so I dedicate this article to my teacher, Georgie Collis, as she sowed the seed in my brain to produce this article.

So, before we go in to the details on how to develop trust, let us understand what Trust is.
Trust is the permanent certainty and confident expectation from someone for something. Lack of trust might lead to shattered relations so Trust is the most critical ingredient for strong relationship; the relation which can either be between Husband-Wife, Boss-Employee, Father-Son, Brother-Sister, supplier-customer and so on.

Here aresome recommendedbehaviours which you need to demonstrate in order to develop trust:
1-Being Responsible:ensure you are performing your day-to-day responsibilities and meeting the short-term and long term expectations by your dependants.
2-Listen:Listen, Listen, Listen. God has given you two ears and one tongue so you listen more and speak less. Effective Listening is a skill; develop this habit. Google it today and learn.
3-Being Truthful: Be honest and fair. Don't deceive someone. Remember the fact that building trust is tough but it takes seconds to have scratches-in-the-jewel which usually is very hard to recover.
4-Keeping Promise:your promise is your commitment with someone to do something, so don't break at any cost. In case you couldn't meet your promise, there is always a door for dialogue for re-consideration of things. In case of dialogues be fair, be truthful and be open. Confess the short comings on your end.
5-Consistent behaviour:the ever changing attitude is an indication of your non-predictive personality which is an anti-trust drive. So be consistent in what you speak and what you do.
6-Apologizing behaviour:Sorry is the best medicine in healing relationship complications. In fact, Sorry and Thanks are the two golden words which my Kindergarten going son has refreshed for me. Use them often and you will see massive improvements in your daily life.
What are your suggestions to develop Trust?

 

M Junaid Tahir
www.keralites.net

__._,_.___
Reply via web post Reply to sender Reply to group Start a New Topic Messages in this topic (3)
Recent Activity:
KERALITES - A moderated eGroup exclusively for Keralites...
To subscribe send a mail to Keralites-subscribe@yahoogroups.com.
Send your posts to Keralites@yahoogroups.com.
Send your suggestions to Keralites-owner@yahoogroups.com.

To unsubscribe send a mail to Keralites-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com.

Homepage: www.keralites.net
.

__,_._,___

[www.keralites.net] How to Restore a Broken Relationship

 

One of the hardest things to go through in life is the breaking of a relationship with someone, especially if you were particularly close to that person and have known them for a long time. Once a relationship ends it can be very difficult to restore that relationship. The more intimate you are with someone, the deeper the pain goes when things go wrong. In this article we will discuss how to repair a relationship that has been broken. We will deal with relationships in general. In another article I will discuss how to repair a broken marriage. The good news is that relationships can be restored if everyone involved is willing to put the effort into the process of healing. It may take time, but the end result is worth the time and effort.

Obstacles to Healing

Before we can discuss the process of repairing a relationship, we need to consider what keeps restoration from happening in the first place.

1. Pride

I put this one first, because it the biggest and most common obstacle to the healing of relationships. I know the times I have been separated from a friend I struggled a lot with pride. When I came to the conclusion that either I was totally wrong or at least shared part of the blame, it was difficult to bring myself to accept responsibility. Pride keeps people apart. We know that if we humble ourselves and go to the other person and admit wrong doing, we will lose face- or so we think. I have learned that I lose face by not admitting my error. I save my reputation by swallowing my pride and taking steps to restoration with that person. There is no secret formula to overcoming pride in a broken relationship. We all struggle with it at some point. Simply, you must bite the bullet and go for it. For example, one of the keys to learning to swim is to just go head long into the water and go for it. Too, in a broken friendship, you have to just go for it, do or die.

2. Time

Time gets in the way of healing. What I mean is that the longer we wait, the harder it is to take the steps to restore that relationship. Paul, a first century leader in the church, wrote to the Christians in Ephesus to "...not let the sun go down while you are still angry,..." (Ephesians 4:26 NIV). That is a good rule to go by. That, in no way, means that you have to fix everything by sunset. It means simply to quickly move into the process of repairing the relationship. The sooner you begin the process of healing the better. Time has a way of desensitizing us, causing us to not see the need for that person like we do when the problem first occurs. Too, as time goes along we can allow bitterness to set in, which exaggerates the problem even more.

3. Wrong voices

We all listen to several voices on a daily basis. The voices can come from advice from people at work, a neighbor or the media. The voices can come from inside us. I am not referring to people who hear voices in an insane kind of way, but rather the voices that crowd our thoughts daily. We must use discernment, and not listen to the wrong advice, as that often will lead us to maintain the broken relationship. Obviously, some relationships are not healthy for us to keep, but more often than not we should listen to counsel that encourages us to restore those relationships.

4. Unwillingness to mend the relationship

One obstacle that is out of our control is the other person who is unwilling to make amends. That can create more pain for the person who wants badly to restore the friendship. I will write later in the article on how to deal with this, but the main thing is to be patient, and give them space while affirming your love for them.

Steps to Repairing the Relationship

1. Realization of Brokeness

I put this step first as I am surprised at how many people are oblivious to the broken relationships around them. Often, they do not see that they are a common denominator in a series of broken relationships. If you tend to have relationship problems with several people, take a look at yourself to see if you are the source of the problem.

2, Humility

Whether you are the source of the problem or not, humility is a must if the relationship is to be restored. If you are the whole reason for the problem or just a part of it, it takes great humility to admit wrong doing. The rewards, however, are much greater than the struggle to admit your error.

If you are not the source of the problem, you still must take steps to reconciliation. Do not wait on the other person. It will take humility on your part, especially if you were not the cause of the break with the other person.

3. Patience

Patience is necessary. The relationship did not end overnight, so it will not be repaired overnight. You need to give each other time and space to think things through, and to heal. Patience is especially necessary if the other person is not willing to reconcile. Don't push them as that will drive them further away. Affirm your love for them, respect their wishes, and allow them room to figure things out.

4. Talking openly

Talking openly about the problem(s) is a necessary step to healing. This will include a period of blaming, then heart searching, and finally finding a solution. Blaming is part of the process. We all do it. We blame each other for the problem. This is part of fighting through misunderstandings so that the truth can be found.

Next, we must move into a time of searching ourselves to see where we were wrong. It is extremely rare when only one person is at fault in a broken relationship. More often than not, both parties are guilty. We must search within ourselves to see where we went wrong without justifying ourselves. We must be completely open and honest at this point if wholeness is to be achieved.

Finally, we must move into a serious discussion to find the solution. Phrases such as 'I'm sorry' and other such phrases are not helpful. Genuine seeking of forgiveness and a desire to solve the issues at hand are what bring healing.

These steps of talking may seem simple, but when you combine the complexity of two humans into the equation it can get messy. Keep moving ahead. Don't let yourself get side tracked by non-issues. Hold on to hope all the way to the end.

5. Forgiveness

Forgiveness is so necessary to keep a relationship alive, whether forgiveness is necessary for little or big problems. We must not let bitterness take root, as it will destroy us. Forgiving the other person will be easier if we remember our constant need of forgiveness. We tend not to forgive when we think of ourselves as being better than we really are. We all make mistakes, and should forgive as we want to be forgiven. Be generous in your forgiveness.

At this point many may wonder what true forgiveness is. To forgive is not to forget, as that is impossible. Once something is planted in your mind, it is there to stay. You can choose not to dwell on a certain thought, but you can't eliminate what is recorded. For example, when you delete something from your computer, it is still there. It can be found on your hard drive, but it isn't at the forefront of your computer's memory. To truly forgive someone is to move beyond the problem, and to move toward reconciliation with that person. I am a follower of Christ. One of the things He taught was that we are in a broken relationship with the Heavenly Father, but He, through Christ, moved beyond that and has moved toward reconciliation with us. He has made the first move, and now we must take the next step by moving toward Him by faith in Christ. I use that as an illustration of how to forgive. We must move beyond the problem toward the other person. Then they must move toward us to reconcile. Forgiveness then happens, and the relationship is made whole again.

6. Practice the Solution

In a previous step we talked about finding a solution. That is good, as long as we put the solution into practice. For instance, if one of the problems is verbal abuse, then the solution is to use words that build up the other person. That is great, as long as you stop using abusive language and begin to use words that build up. All solutions to problems are only effective if you put them into practice.

Repairing a broken relationship can be very difficult, especially if problems have gone unchecked. However, there is always hope of reconciliation. As time goes along and problems grow it becomes more difficult, but it is still possible to repair the problems if both parties are willing to take the necessary steps. Never give up hope. Even if the other person is unwilling you must do your part to reconcile without harrassing them. You always want to give them the space they need, while affirming your love for them. Once the relationship is made whole again, the reward will far outweigh the effort

M Junaid Tahir


www.keralites.net

__._,_.___
Reply via web post Reply to sender Reply to group Start a New Topic Messages in this topic (1)
Recent Activity:
KERALITES - A moderated eGroup exclusively for Keralites...
To subscribe send a mail to Keralites-subscribe@yahoogroups.com.
Send your posts to Keralites@yahoogroups.com.
Send your suggestions to Keralites-owner@yahoogroups.com.

To unsubscribe send a mail to Keralites-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com.

Homepage: www.keralites.net
.

__,_._,___

[www.keralites.net] Five Tips to Motivate Employees

 

While expecting employees to perform at a high level is definitely not an unreasonable expectation, it still is not always going to be the case in mostbusinesses. There are a number of cases where employees let up in their job performance a bit or other circumstances arise that make the level of productivity tail off some. During these and other times, often what is missing is proper motivation. Here are five tips designed to motivate employees to continue performing at the level they are expected to.


Positive Attitude

Employees who regularly work in a workplace that either has an overall negative attitude or for a manager that has a negative attitude will at some point let it affect their job performance. A manager canmotivate the employeesbeneath them very efficiently by simply instituting a positive attitude in the workplace and also exhibiting that positive attitude regularly. Employees naturally want to work in a workplace with a positive attitude.

Encouragement
In the same department as positive attitude, getting the properencouragement from a manageror supervisor is necessary for some employees to operate at a high level. Many times employees who are merely informed of their job responsibilities and then are given no feedback until a project is complete feel that they are not given enough encouragement along the way. While it may not be a necessity, if a few simple words can make an office or workplace more productive, then it is definitely something that should be done.

Listening Skills
One of the easiest ways for a manager to motivate their employees is to simply improve and utilize their listening skills. When an employee feels like their thoughts and ideas are being listened to, they will feel they are more apart of a project or overall business process and work harder. An employee who knows that their views are valued and sought out is a more motivated employee as they know they have another avenue for impressing their manager and possibly influencing the career path.

Utilize Everyone
Another easy way for a manager or business owner to motivate employees is to make sure that everyone is utilized to their fullest abilities. When one or two employees are not brought in on a project or process, they feel like they are not valued as highly and this may demotivate them in terms of how much effort they put into the projects or responsibilities they do have. By utilizing everyone, a manager not only motivates their employees by showing they are all valued to some degree, but he also maximizes the work output by having everyone possible involved in some way or another.

When Possible, Provide Incentives
Though it may not always be possible, and it may not be feasible on every project, it can sometimes pay off to have incentives that an employee can take advantage of if a certain amount of work is done or a certain level is accomplished. Incentives can be anything from a higher commission and cash bonuses to something smaller like a catered lunch for the employees or even a gift card to a local restaurant. Incentives can sometimes be announced ahead of time and can also be presented to the employees afterwards as a thank you for their hard work. Presenting incentives as a thank you actually has the effect of motivating employees towards the next project or process.
While motivating employees is not always easy, it is a very useful thing to do when done right. There are a number of reasons why an employee or even an entire department may need to be motivated from time to time. They could be feeling overworked, they could have recently undergone personnel changes or questionable disciplinary actions, or they could just be suffering from burnout. Motivating these employees in a realistic and acceptable way is a great way that a manager can improve the productivity of their department and each employee in particular.


www.keralites.net

__._,_.___
Reply via web post Reply to sender Reply to group Start a New Topic Messages in this topic (1)
Recent Activity:
KERALITES - A moderated eGroup exclusively for Keralites...
To subscribe send a mail to Keralites-subscribe@yahoogroups.com.
Send your posts to Keralites@yahoogroups.com.
Send your suggestions to Keralites-owner@yahoogroups.com.

To unsubscribe send a mail to Keralites-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com.

Homepage: www.keralites.net
.

__,_._,___

[www.keralites.net] story...

 



An old man, staying in a small south Indian town came to visit his son in Mumbai recently. The son in his early thirties is a successful businessman living with his wife and son. The father, having spent most of his life at his birthplace, hardly
understands Hindi English,Marathi. But he doesn't care. 'I have come here to spend a few days with my son and his family. I don't have to go out and socialize with the city people,' he said.

But the son is very excited about his father's rare visit to Bombay. He wants to make the best of it. He and his wife want to show him around the city. And yes, the son enjoys those evening hours too, when he and his father go out and sit in a good bar, sipping their favourite drink.

Last week he told his father 'Let's go to a five star hotel's bar tonight'. It was a beautiful evening. Talking about everything under the sun they had a few drinks. As usual they were offered some salad, peanuts, wafers etc .as accompaniments with their drinks. The old man being almost toothless was not much interested in eating. But that day when they got up to leave, he simply took a handful of chana (roasted grams) and stuffed it in the fold of his dhoti. He might have thought > about munching on them, sitting in the car.

Unfortunately while walking in the lobby, he missed a step and stumbled. Down he went, scattering the chana on the plush carpet.

No problem .Now try to visualize that scenario. Someone else in his son's place would have been mortified, embarrassed to death. He might have cursed not his
father but his own self for causing this awkward situation. Never again will I take my old man to such hotels', he would have vowed. 

No sir, not this son. Gently, with a smile, he helped his father get back on his feet. Instead of feeling irritated or angry, he was amused. He found the whole incident very funny. Laughing, they both went home and on the way they decided to return to the same place the following Sunday.The old man liked the place and liked the chana too.

A few days ago, at a friend's place they both described this event and made everybody laugh.

Weren't you embarrassed? Somebody asked the son. 'Oh, come on now' replied the son. 'He is my father. He talks in his native language, prefers to wear a dhoti
even to a posh city hotel, takes chana from the bar to eat later, does whatever he feels like.... So what?

Why should I feel embarrassed with his nature and habits? Nobody has a right to stop him from doing whatever he feels comfortable with, as long as it is not harmful to others.'

The son doesn't care what the staff in the hotel thought about that incident. He says 'they should be concerned only with their bills and tips. I am concerned about my father's happiness.' The wife too totally agrees with the husband on this issue. She feels there are enough other qualities in her father- in- law to feel proud of. Accept them .

The above incident is not mentioned just to show the love and devotion of a son
for his father. More than love it is a matter of understanding and a healthy respect for the other person's lifestyle.

A seventy plus old man doesn't want to change his lifestyle now. He likes the way he eats or dresses or talks. In his eyes there is nothing wrong with the old ways
of living. And the son says, ok, fine. Every body has a right to live as per his wish. Now at his age, why should he be forced to learn to eat with a fork and knife, if he doesn't want to? I will feel bad if he is doing something morally wrong or indulging in some harmful activities. But otherwise it is fine. I am not going to try to change him at this stage. He is my father. I love him, respect him.

Hey folks, can you think this way? So many times we see people getting embarrassed by the so called unsophisticated behaviour of their family members. They keep on apologizing about their lack of class and manners or about their drawbacks to outsiders.

"My wife can't speak proper English; she doesn't know what's happening in the world, so I avoid taking her out or introducing her to my friends and business associates"

"My parents can't eat with a spoon and fork, so I don't take them to restaurants"

"My husband is working as an ordinary clerk, so I feel awkward when I introduce him to my rich friends." 

"My brother is mentally challenged, so I don't feel like going out with him"

Are you plagued with such thoughts or do you meet such people who think alike? If you do, please ask yourself. Why do others or I feel this way? Really what is there to feel ashamed of? Most of the people always have this fear of other peoples' opinions and comments. What would others say? ......Don't Bother!!
 
If you forward this e-mail, please delete my e-mail address to reduce spam, viruses & identity theft and also Please use the "Bcc field" while forwarding mails, to ensure this and Thank you.

www.keralites.net

__._,_.___
Reply via web post Reply to sender Reply to group Start a New Topic Messages in this topic (1)
Recent Activity:
KERALITES - A moderated eGroup exclusively for Keralites...
To subscribe send a mail to Keralites-subscribe@yahoogroups.com.
Send your posts to Keralites@yahoogroups.com.
Send your suggestions to Keralites-owner@yahoogroups.com.

To unsubscribe send a mail to Keralites-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com.

Homepage: www.keralites.net
.

__,_._,___

[www.keralites.net] PIC OF THE DAY

 
__._,_.___
Reply via web post Reply to sender Reply to group Start a New Topic Messages in this topic (6)
KERALITES - A moderated eGroup exclusively for Keralites...
To subscribe send a mail to Keralites-subscribe@yahoogroups.com.
Send your posts to Keralites@yahoogroups.com.
Send your suggestions to Keralites-owner@yahoogroups.com.

To unsubscribe send a mail to Keralites-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com.

Homepage: www.keralites.net
.

__,_._,___